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How To Build Your Self Confidence

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Earlier this week I caught the media launch of the upcoming show Dream Lover starring David Campbell. Watching him perform a few numbers, got me thinking about confidence. So let’s talk about that for a minute, or lack thereof it.

You know, that elusive element that stops us from pursuing a lot of our dreams and chasing our goals.

Confidence.

I’ve been pretty blessed in this department; I’ve always had a healthy serving of self-confidence from an early age.

But what I’ve come to believe about self-confidence, as with most things on this developmental journey (like self-worth and self-love), is that they wax and wane with life experience, often on a daily basis.

Some days I’m bursting with self-confidence and bravado, other days I’m a timid tortoise barely wanting to speak to others.

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But what I’ve also realised is that, again like self-worth and self-love, self-confidence can be cultivated through small, gradual steps towards a bigger picture.

Allow me to explain. One of my goals in life is to be a really great public speaker and be an amazing television presenter. I’ve done a bunch of both of these things in the past and, like most people, they scare the absolute sh*t outta me!

Seriously, beyond frightening.

But, they’re important for my development as a person and where I want my career to go. So I’ve figured out small, incremental ways for me to build up self-confidence and overcome that fear of performance, so that when I’m in the arena about to take the stage, I know that I’ve got it covered.

Enter my weekly hip-hop class. Now if you follow me on Instagram, you’ll know I love getting my jam on in a hip-hop class. And it’s true, I do love it, but it also scares me to death at the same time.

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There’s a moment in every single class, where I truly wish the ground would open up and swallow me whole.

It’s usually when the teacher says she’s going to watch us perform and I don’t feel like I’ve got the steps down just yet.

For some reason, right there and then in every class, it prompts the exact same feelings as when I’m about to take to a live stage: my hands go sweaty, I get a massive rush of fear and self-doubt, my mean girl kicks in and starts telling me I’m rubbish, and I have to physically force myself to not grab my bag and run straight out of the class!

Sounds crazy right?! I mean, it’s a recreational fitness class; it literally has no impact on my day-to-day life, whether I get the steps right or not. None! Yet I still face that overwhelming fear each and every time.

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You wonder why anyone would put themselves through that right?

Well, here’s the thing. A couple weeks back when I was about to take the stage for the International Women’s Day Great Debate – I had those exact same feelings come up.

Exactly the same sensations: I went bright red, started sweating profusely, my mean girl kicked into overdrive and my heart was racing. Only now, through regular, incremental practice, I was fully equipped to handle the situation.

I reminded myself that the majority of the time, when those feelings come up, what comes after, is that I generally succeed…as I mostly do in Dance class.

I reminded myself that, even the times when I don’t get it 100% right, I’m still OK as a person. I’m not a failure; I just didn’t get it 100% correct…as I am in Dance class.

And that, every time after the event, irrespective of whether I got it right or not, I’ve usually had a pretty fun time and feel pretty damn good for putting myself out there again….as I do in Dance class.

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Which made me wonder what other people do to build their self-confidence and what small, regular practices they have that help flex their confidence muscle so that when it’s needed most, it doesn’t fail.

I was lucky enough to catch the media launch of the brand new Australian musical DREAM LOVER about the legendary American singer, songwriter and actor Bobby Darin, being played by Aussie icon David Campbell.

So I thought I’d ask David what he does on the regular to build self-confidence, and if he still gets pre-stage jitters, here’s what he had to say:

I don’t usually get jitters or nerves. I feel more edgy and quiet. However, I still get a tad too sweaty so don’t be too deceived if I look calm and collected.
I believe in acting confident to cover nerves. It can fool (most) of the audience and even yourself into believing you can do something.
In real life however, I tend to communicate my feelings a lot (sorry Lisa) and am a big believer in therapy.

What great advice! And comforting to know, that even someone who’s reached David’s level of success, still practises mind-control techniques (hello, faking confidence) to help.

The launch was super fun and let me tell you: Man can sing. Accompanied by an 18-piece band, David treated us to a mash up of all the faves, like splish-splash and the eponymous track Dream Lover. #swoon

The show is set to open in September at the Sydney Lyric, check out it here.

Now I’d love to hear from you, and what small, regular practices you have that help flex your self-confidence muscle.

And if you don’t have one yet, what you could start doing, that will put you out of your comfort zone, in a safe, non-threatening environment, and help build that confidence up?

The top three responses below will score themselves a Double pass to the show, when it launches this September.

Images by the amazing Miss Mel at Forever Seen Photography, Bought to you by Nuffnang and Dream Lover

 

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  1. Lauren says:

    Great post! One thing I can always depend on for building my self confidence is keeping and maintaining my gratitude journal. Whilst this may not always be linked to an outer sphere of self confidence, it really grounds me to realise just how lucky and fortunate I am as a person. Reflecting on my writings ultimately builds a positive outlook on small things I appreciate, and reminds me of moments when I was content and confident to try new things, meet new people or even wear bold outfits!

  2. Jade Kalnitis says:

    Love this!

    Personally, because of my self confidence I am generally shy around people I don’t know. I’ve definitely noticed that continually putting myself in situations where I need to meet new people, has helped me become more confident.

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I’m Civil Engineer, serial Entrepreneur, Fashion Editor, and TV Presenter, who draws on vast life experience to motivate, enlighten and educate other entrepreneurs to follow their big biz dreams. I walk the talk After building my third, 6-figure business, in arguably the toughest Industries around, I realized I knew a thing or two about creating powerful, global, and memorable brands. 
If you're a freelancer, small business owner, consultant or entrepreneur, who has passion and purpose but you need a little help becoming a recognized personal brand, gaining more visibility and influence in your niche, and setting up your business for online success, then you're in the right place. 
Every day I help boss babes, like you, to transform their lives and to truly live their dream life, through my online courses, Instagram live streams, YouTube tutorials, and book.
It's your time to shine, baby.

I’m an Engineer turned Fashion Editor turned Funnel Hacker

These days I’m a Fierce and Fabulous Educator & Funnel Hacker, Success Cheerleader, Self-love Superwoman, and believer of Infinite Possibilities.

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Fierce and Fabulous Educator & Funnel Hacker, Success Cheerleader, Self-love Superwoman, and believer of Infinite Possibilities.

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